These Dreams
by spooksfan08
Summary: The staff of Section D have always had to face the worst of human nature. Harry has seen more than most. Can Ruth make him see his nightmares are just that? May go on to more chapters focusing on one or two characters each chapter. M rated chapter 1
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer I do not own anything related to Spooks. All copyright belongs to Kudos, BBC Television. No copyright infringement is intended nor should be inferred. One possibly two chapter story. All M or very strong T rated.**

**These Dreams.**

She stood in front of him, smiling slightly as she listened to him. He was finally putting the work second and them first. She was prepared to walk away from all the heartache, all the death, destruction and betrayal. Then **i**t had all gone wrong. Ruth hadn't even screamed, just fallen forward onto her knees as he tried to catch her. Blood soaked her blouse and ran, still warm onto his hands.

"Ruth." He pulled her to him, aware of gunfire in the background. "Don't do this." He smoothed her hair back from her face, on the verge of tears as she tried to keep her eyes on his.

"Harry."

"Don't leave me. Don't you dare." Harry sucked in a breath as she held his gaze. Erin yelled in the background as Lucas and Ros ran towards them.

"Harry." Ruth repeated.

"Think about Gracie-Jo, Nick." Harry swallowed hard. "Come on, stay with me. It's going to be ok. It'll be fine."

"Harry!" Ruth's voice was more determined. "Harry! Come on. Wake up." Ruth sounded more annoyed than worried or in pain. He looked around, unsure where the voice was coming from. Ros rolled her eyes while Erin glared at him. Seconds later he sat bolt upright.

"Sorry." He gasped as he tried to drag oxygen into his lungs. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't." Ruth sighed as she watched him catch his breath. "Gracie did."

"Squeak? Is she ok?" Harry turned, immediately worried about his ten month old daughter.

"Yes." Ruth smiled. "She's fine. Just a bit unsettled, sleeping soundly now. Which is more than you were." Harry closed his eyes as he felt Ruth's hand on the small of his back. "Why were you asking me not to leave? To think of Gracie and Nick? Harry?"

"It was just a dream." He paused, knowing Ruth would never settle for that as an explanation.

"You think I'm going to leave you." Ruth stated rather than asked. "You think, deep down that I am going to run away again." She couldn't help the frustration in her voice. "Harry."

"Ruth, it is 4 am. I have a JIC meeting at 8. Please try to go back to sleep." He lay back down, staring at the ceiling. "And no, for the record I don't think you'll leave one day."

"Then what?"

"You aren't letting this go, are you?"

"No." Ruth propped herself on one elbow to watch him. "I am not letting this go. What were you dreaming about, if it wasn't me leaving you."

"Ruth." He paused as tears filled his eyes once more. The darkness of the bedroom broken slightly by the light in the hallway. Ruth frowned slightly as she realised he was trying to regain his composure. "It was just a horrible, stupid dream. It is my brain working over time, that's all."

"I died, didn't I?" She sighed, knowing her murder was his greatest fear.

"I."

"The last time you had that dream I ended up pregnant." Ruth teased as he turned to look at her.

"The B&B, the bed with the awful bed springs." Ruth nodded as he spoke. "How could I forget?" Harry smiled as she reached down to kiss him. His hands found their way into her hair of her own accord. The kiss grew more and more passionate before they broke for air.

"Does that show you I'm not going anywhere?" She smiled as he raised an eyebrow, his hand sliding under her white cami top.

"As long as it only stays in my nightmares. If anything happened to you." He paused as she frowned. "If anything happened to you."

"It wont." She touched his face as they laid side by side. "It wont. Even if it did I tell you what would happen."

"Ruth." She silenced him with a finger over his lips.

"If I got hit by a bus tomorrow morning or something happened at work you go on. You have to, not just for you but the same reasons I have to if God forbid the tables are turned."

"Ruth." He kissed her fingers.

"You go on for Gracie-Jo and Nicholas. For Catherine, Graham and Charlie." She watched as his eyes softened. "They need their dad and grandpa." He closed his eyes as her finger began to trace the edge of his lips. "I need you."

Harry nodded before pulling her to him and kissing her deeply.

"Never put me in that position." He sighed as she ran her hand along his back, feeling his body against hers.

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A/N May go on with this. Had an idea to write a chapter for the characters in my 'spooks' universe. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer not mine. I decided to have a look at how our favourite spooks cope after hours. (Will focus on one couple per chapter as per my Spooks series of stories.)**

**Chapter 2 : Ros and Lucas.**

The street light outside the bedroom window was the only light to filter through the curtains as Ros curled on her side. Sleep didn't seem to be easy to come by and she was relieved that the children and Lucas were not having the same trouble she was. The rain splattered the window as Lucas turned in his sleep.

"No." He mumbled as Ros turned on her side. He carried on sleeping, his face contorted in pain. Ros watched for a moment before reaching out to him and running a finger along the side of his face.

"It's ok. You're in London." She spoke calmly as he continued to breathe heavily. "You're in bed with me, the children are in their rooms, everything is fine."

"Please, I don't know." Lucas mumbled as Ros sighed. It had been a long time since this particular nightmare had hit him but the sound of rain hitting the windows had clearly seeped into his subconscious. He turned his head sharply, causing Ros' hand to be shrugged off.

"Lucas." Ros hissed, desperate not to wake the children. Three year old Amy would be awake at the drop of a hat, which in turn would wake eighteen month old James. She didn't want either child to see their dad so distressed. "Lucas, enough." She grabbed his hand as he screwed his eyes shut. A single tear seeped down his face as Ros wiped it away. "Come on." His eyes snapped open as her words seemed to register.

"I."

"You're ok." Ros smiled slightly as he swallowed lung fulls of air.

"Yeah."

"Lucas." Ros turned to watch him as he covered his face with one hand.

"Just a dream." He paused. "Sorry, you were sleeping. Don't you and Harry have that meeting tomorrow?"

"Today." Ros corrected as she picked up his left wrist to look at his watch. "It's three in the morning."

"Oh God, I'm sorry." Lucas paused. "You need to sleep if you're going head to head with Towers."

"He's a pompous idiot with delusions of grandeur. It wont be much longer until there is a Cabinet reshuffle." She smiled as he raised an eyebrow. "And it wasn't just a dream was it? It was a memory."

"Yeah, yeah it was." Lucas seemed to be unable to say anything else about it. Ros kissed his hand as he pushed a strand of blonde hair away from her face.

"I get those dreams too. You know that." She lay next to him. "Jo, Harrison, the hotel bomb." She tapped the side of her forehead. "It's all in there."

"I know." He paused, not wanting to tell her that those three nightmares plaugued him too, for different reasons. "Come here." He pulled her to him as she rested her head on his chest. His breathing regulated as he held her, aware that no one else would see the Ice Queen like this. This was him and his Ros, not Ros the Section Chief. Ros closed her eyes for a moment, listening to the steadying rhythm of his heart beat.

"You can talk about it, you know." Ros paused. "Russia I mean."

"I know I can."He sighed. "Land mass in the centre of Europe, Moscow is the capital city, population of.."

"Lucas."

"Sorry." He kissed her hair as she said his name. "Habit. I don't want to think about it. Sometimes it can't be helped. Something will trigger a memory. A door locking, rain hitting a metal bucket or metal frame of a fire escape, keys jangling. Even the sound of a firework or water hissing when you put a hot dish under the tap before washing it. Silly things."

"None of it is silly." Ros sighed. She kissed his chest as one finger traced a tattoo. "None of it."

"Ros." She looked up at him.

"Lucas." She smiled at him as he rested a hand on her hip. It had been months since they had been anywhere close to being physically intimate. Kissing her hair was as close as he had dared to get since Harrison had blundered into their lives. The thought of him made Lucas physically sick. He was glad the man was dead, knowing at least three people that would dearly love to kill him if he was still alive - he was first in that line, followed by Zaf, Harry and Malcolm. Even Ruth.

"I." He paused as he felt her lips on his skin, praying he really was awake and not dreaming. "Ros."

"Um?" She looked up and saw the look in his eye, somewhere between lust, exhaustion, bemusement and love. But mostly love she thought. "It's not too soon. Not now and I'm not saying we can, tonight but I want us to be able to at least." She stumbled as he smiled at her.

"Consider it?" He wrapped his arms around her. "How about a night when I've not freaked myself out and you don't have a meeting at 8 am?"

"Ok." Ros sighed as she rested her head back on his chest. "Sounds a good idea."

"I've been known to have them." He smiled as she closed her eyes. He knew there was very little chance of him sleeping anymore that night but Ros seemed to have settled the moment he had held her. His pulse relaxed as he listened to her steady breathing, knowing that despite his nightmares, what they did for a living right now his family was safe.

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A/N Next time either Zoe and Zaf or Beth and Dimitri. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer see previous**

**Chapter 3. Erin and Rosie**

"Mum." Erin looked up as her little girl stood in the doorway of her bedroom.

"What is it Sweetheart?" Erin asked as the little girl walked into the room. "Bad dream?"

"No." She shook her head. "Just can't sleep. Is Uncle Calum really going to be a daddy?"

"Yes, he is." Erin sighed, aware her brother in law was more exited than she had ever known him to be. It seemed Catherine Pearce had finally tamed the curly haired techy. Rosie smiled.

"Good. I'll be a big cousin then."

"You will." She smiled as her daughter climbed on the bed. "So, why are you awake?"

"I was thinking."

"About what?"

"Daddy."

"Oh." Erin paused. It had been five years since Matt had been murdered. She knew her daughter barely remembered him, only having second hand stories from herself, Calum and her grandmother. It wasn't enough. "What about Daddy?"

"You miss him."

"Yes, I do."

"You are sad a lot of the time. When we saw the others they were happy and you looked sad."

"Others?" Erin watched as the little girl lay down and turned on her side.

"Ruth, Harry and Beth and Dimitri and Zoe and .."

"Oh at Emma's party." Erin finally realised what her daughter was talking about. The children had all been invited to Emma Reynold's sixth birthday party. It had been a lovely afternoon with the children, including little Gracie-Jo had been able to play outside. She had barely thought about it but it seemed she had been the only single parent there. Zaf and Zoe had been together, Ros and Lucas had spent some time there, which is something Erin had never thought would happen. Carrie and Adam had never looked more in love and as for Harry and Ruth. Seeing them had only served to remind her what she had lost when Matthew had died.

"Yeah."

"Didn't you enjoy it? I thought you and Emma were friends."

"We are. Emma is cool."

"Well then." Erin yawned. "Why?"

"Because you were sad, Mum. You need to be happy. You need someone to make you smile the way Harry makes Ruth smile."

"You make me smile. All the time." Erin brushed her daughter's long brown hair away from her face. "You know that."

"Oh Mum!" Rosie pulled a face. "You know what I mean. Seriously now. I am six and a half. I am not a baby."

"You are my baby. Always will be." Erin smiled as Rosie rolled her eyes.

"Muuum."

"Go to sleep and stop worrying about me."

"I want you to be happy." Rosie looked her in the eye, a determination that was scarily like her father. "Daddy loves us, he wants you to be happy too. I know it."

"I know darling. I know." She wrapped her daughter in her arms and sighed, relieved that the little girl seemed to succumb to sleep more easily than she ever did. "I know." Erin stared at the ceiling remembering how she had met her fiance, how she had been so determined not to settle down. Her career came first, last and always. But then he had smiled at her, had made her stumble over her words, wormed his way into her heart and she couldn't regret a second of their time together.

"Oh Matty." She mumbled as she looked at their child sleeping. "Why you? Why did it have to be you?" Rosie mumbled in her sleep. Erin sniffed, determined she wouldn't worry her little girl any further by crying. She hadn't realised how perceptive her daughter was. She had no idea that while she had been playing with Emma, Amy and the other children she had been aware of the adults and how Erin seemed to be the only one on her own or that she was the only child at the party that didn't have contact with a father figure of some sort. Sighing heavily she kissed her daughter's hair, promising herself that from that moment onwards her little girl would never have to worry about her. From that moment on she decided she would do all she could to make sure they were both happy. It was what Matthew would have wanted.

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A/N Bit differnet to my other pairings but this idea wouldn't go away. More soon x


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer not mine**

**Seems Erin and Rosie's chapter wasn't so popular. So I hope Adam and Carrie is more popular.**

**Chapter 4: Adam's story.**

The rain splattered the street outside as Adam paced the floor with the small baby in his arms. He knew Carrie was exhausted and hoped little Isobella's cries didn't wake either her or Wes. The baby seemed to settle in his arms as he walked up and down the pastel pink bedroom.

"You need to go back to sleep." He spoke softly as the little girl looked up at him with wide brown eyes. "Your brother has a rugby game tomorrow and Mum is going to have a house full of kids again." Adam smiled as he thought about how good his wife was when it came to the children of Section D. Emma and Amy adored her and he knew the other children felt the same.

"Come on Izzy." He kissed her forehead as she geared up for another cry. "You've been fed, changed. I dunno what else to do."

"mmm" The baby babbled as Adam sat in the rocking chair. His eyes already heavy.

"If you were a little older I'd tell you a bedtime story. But I don't think that is going to work. Used to, with Wes. Fiona. That's Wes' mum." Adam sighed as the baby looked up at him. "She wasn't really one for reading Wes stories so it was my job. When he was little." The baby yawned as Adam spoke. "He loved them. That was, as long as they weren't girly stories."

"You might have to think of some girly stories for her." Adam looked up to see Carrie stood in the doorway. "Don't worry, Wes is still asleep." She smiled as she tugged her dressing gown closer to her. "You settle her and I'll make us a drink. She looks so comfortable." Carrie smiled as Adam glanced down at his daughter who was now dozing gently against his bare chest.

"Ok." Adam smiled as Carrie turned and left the bedroom. "Right, stories that girls might like." He thought for a moment. "Once upon a time, not so long ago there was a tower. The tower was tall and looked out over a river." He paused. "A knight lived in that castle. He was an old and grumpy man for a very long time. His castle was the safest castle in all the Kingdom and all the knights that worked there tried to keep the kingdom safe." Adam sighed. "I am going to have to work on this a bit more. Never mind, Izzy I've got a few years yet to get it straight."

Izzy closed her eyes as Adam spoke.

"In this castle the knights worked very hard to keep the kingdom safe." He paused. "And the head of all the knights worked longer and harder than anyone else. He was also grumpier than anyone else, so grumpy that no one wanted to upset him." Adam spoke quietly. "That was until he met a clumsy princess."

"I think she's asleep." Carrie walked into the room with two mugs, placing them on the windowsill as Adam looked up. "And do you think Ruth and Harry are going to be happy with you using their life story to settle our daughter to sleep?"

"If it works." He stood up and carried the sleeping baby back to the crib. "Anyway. Who said it was them I was talking about?"

"A clumsy princess and a grumpy knight." Carrie raised an eyebrow. "I'm not exactly Miss Moneypenny but I can tell who you were talking about." Carrie held out her hand for Adam. "We need to get some sleep." Adam glanced back at his daughter as she slept soundly.

"Well he was grumpy." Adam pulled Carrie into his arms as the baby remained oblivious to the adults in the room. Carrie stepped back and led him into their bedroom, knowing the baby monitor was switched on. "Caz." Adam kissed her gently as her hands found his face.

"Adam." She pulled back. "Come to bed."

He kissed her once more before steering her towards the bed.

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"Adam." Carrie turned on her side as she heard her husband groan in his sleep. "Adam!"

"Leave her alone." Adam mumbled. "You."

"Adam?" Carrie sat up, aware that her husband was dreaming. "Izzy and Wes will hear you."

"Don't do this." Adam stated more firmly, his hands curling into fists. Carrie felt tears spring to her eyes, knowing her husband had seen more in his time in the service than she had in her entire life.

"Adam." She touched his face. "It's over. It's only a dream. Come on my love, wake up." She shook his shoulder before moving back as his eyes snapped open.

"I."

"It's ok." Carrie soothed. "Everything is ok."

"He was here." Adam ran a hand over his face. "I know Farouk is dead but he was here. He was going to take you from me." His eyes screwed shut. "It was happening again."

"I am here and I am fine. We're fine. All four of us." She smiled as he seemed to calm at her words. "No one can take us away from you.I promise you. No one can ruin us, ever." She held his gaze. Adam nodded once before sitting up.

"Carrie."

"You were dreaming about Fiona. You've been thinking about her." Carrie spoke quietly. "That's why Farouk was in your nightmares. He took her from you and Wes, you think someone can take me. Well, Darshan tried and failed. I'm tougher than I look. You know that."

"Yeah." He brushed a strand of brown hair away from her face. "Fiona."

"Was the love of your life. Wes' mum. And she always will be." Carrie held his gaze, remarkably calm as the words slipped from her mouth.

"Yes." Adam nodded. "Yes she will always be Wes' mum."

"Of course."

"But once I'd have said she was the love of my life. Once, who says you only get one great love? Who says life doesn't change? I want you. You." He kissed her neck as she looked away. "Caz?"

"I."

"We are so good together." He kissed her again. "You're the only one I want, I love you. Carrie." He kissed her neck as his wife's eyes slipped closed. He knew how to talk her round, he knew how to make her forget her own name. Now for the second time that night she let him make her forget. She let him pour out all his fear and grief into her as she held him, knowing that if Fiona had lived he wouldn't have looked at her twice.

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A/N more soon


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer nope I still don't own Spooks. Anyone else heard about the movie? Am I the only one that's ridiculously exited by the thought of Harry and co returning?**

**Chapter 4: Zaf and Zoe**

Zoe yawned as she stared up at the ceiling, relieved that Danny had slept through the night. He had been suffering from Croup for the last few nights, leaving both the baby and his parents exhausted. She checked her watch, glad that Harry had given her and Zaf the day off. It was then she realised she was on her own in the darkened bedroom. Worried that she had slept through Danny crying or Emma getting up she threw her legs out of bed to check her children's bedrooms.

"Hi." She pushed the door to Emma's room open further and smiled. Emma lay asleep with her rag doll wedge under one arm. Happy that her daughter had stayed in bed all night she walked to Danny's room expecting to see Zaf trying to settle the 11 month old baby. When she found Danny curled on his side, sleeping soundly she began to worry about Zaf. Heading to the living room she hoped he hadn't gone into work at such an ungodly hour.

"Zaf?" She stood in the doorway of the living room, watching as he tried to control his breathing. "Hey, it's me." She stepped into the room as she realised he was physically shaking.

"I'm fine." Zaf lied. Zoe raised an eyebrow.

"And I'm Ros Myers' favourite person." Zoe smiled slightly, knowing her fiancé would start to defend his best friend. It was well-known Zaf thought of Ros and Ruth as the sisters he had never had. Despite having two biological sisters. "I was teasing." She sat next to him. "What is it?"

"Bad dream." He paused before running a hand over his face.

"Want to talk?"

"Not really." He smiled sadly. "It was only a stupid dream."

"No, it wasn't. Not if it upset you like this." She rested a hand on his back, aware he had been sweating as she touched his vest. "Zaf."

"I couldn't stop them. I'm not one for throwing my weight around. You know that." He kept his eyes on the floor. "But I always thought I could defend myself. You know? If it came to it."

"Harry told us how you stepped in when that creep tried to buy the NHS. And when that ex spy was poisoned. You can take care of yourself." She spoke quietly, not wanting to wake the children. "I saw it myself, remember? When Will wanted to use me as his favourite punchbag."

"You don't hit girls." Zaf looked up. "If that's the only thing I teach our boy, it's that."

Zoe smiled slightly, knowing Zaf hated violence in all forms. She knew he'd instill that in Emma and Danny. It was another reason she loved him.

"You will." She paused as he failed to meet her eye. "You were dreaming about the Redbacks? About when you were taken."

"Yeah." He closed his eyes as a single tear escaped. "Ruth arranged for me to have counselling when I got home but it's still in there." He tapped the side of his forehead. "I don't think it is ever going to go away." Zoe took his hand in hers and kissed the fingers one by one. She knew from their time in Chile that each had been broken during his 'interrogation' at the hands of the Redbacks. Zaf sighed as he felt her lips on his skin.

"You can talk about it." Zoe paused. "With me, if you don't want to talk to a counsellor."

"Thanks." Zaf swallowed. "But I don't want to ruin us."

"It won't." Zoe's voice was determined. "It wont. Nothing can."

"Zoe." He turned to face her as she held his hand. "I don't want you to know how bad it was. How those excuses for humans got inside my head. I swear I didn't tell them anything. I didn't even give them my name, just stayed silent. Even. Even when. When they.." He closed his eyes and turned away as Zoe got to her feet and kneeled in front of him.

"I love you." She spoke quietly. "I know you didn't betray us. I know you never would." She touched his face, forcing him to look at her. "And I hope they rot in Hell for what they did to you and the other spooks who never made it home." Zaf swallowed hard as he saw the tears swimming in her eyes. "But you are stronger than them. So much stronger."

"Zo."

"You are." She kissed him as his eyes fluttered closed. Butterfly kisses across his lips as his hands found her waist. "You are the strongest man I have ever met." He pulled her closer to him, needing to feel her against him, needing to know she meant what she said. Seconds later his lips collided with hers as her hands made their way into his thick, black hair to hold him to her. To keep him in the present.

"Bed?" He whispered when they finally parted, the need for oxygen becoming a necessity. Zoe smiled before getting to her feet and holding out a hand for him.

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Zoe opened her eyes slowly. The light from the digital alarm clock told her it was a little before 4 am. Danny and Emma were still asleep. She smiled slightly before stretching and turning on to her side, moving the arm that was splayed across her body. Zaf snored slightly as she watched him. For a moment it was easy to believe he was any young man in London. Any young man with a stressful job, fiance and a couple of kids. She touched his face, feeling the five o clock shadow that had already begun to form as her heart seemed to constrict. This was her Zaf. The young man that had been through what most could never even imagine. A young man that still believed in the good in people, even when there was precious little evidence of it. She slipped closer to him in the bed, glad that he was at least sleeping peacefully. She traced a finger across his bare chest as he breathed evenly, no evidence of the horrors he had seen in his time away.

"Zaf." She whispered. "You're better than them." She kissed his bare chest, above his heart as he stirred slightly.

"Zo." He mumbled as he held her to him. "Sleep, yeah?"

"Yeah." She agreed as she let the rhythm of his heartbeat lull her senses. This was her Zaf. The man that loved her and the kids, that teased Ruth and acted like an overgrown school boy when Tariq, Dimitri, Lucas and Adam were around but would walk to the ends of the Earth for her. Not the spy that had been captured, beaten and tortured before escaping and finding himself on the other side of the world. "Yeah." She closed her eyes. "Sleep."

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A/N Figured Zaf would still have nightmares. Hope this is ok. Please review. Next up either more Harry/Ruth or Dimitri and Beth.


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